Rule No. 1: "Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present."
— George Washington, Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation (Mount Vernon)
In May, we used Rule No. 1 to honor the fallen on Memorial Day https://www.straiteis.net/blog-2-1/blog-post-title-one-heb3l. Today the same rule asks something harder of us. Veterans Day isn't mainly about the men and women we've lost. It's about the ones still with us: across the table, down the hall, in the next pew. They are, in Washington's words, "those that are Present."
The Department of Veterans Affairs makes the distinction plain. Memorial Day honors those who died in service, while Veterans Day "is largely intended to thank LIVING veterans for their service" (U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs). That's about 15.7 million Americans, or 5.9% of the adult civilian population (U.S. Census Bureau).
What the Rule Means
Rule No. 1 opens the list Washington copied as a teenager, and it underlies the other 109. Civility isn't private sentiment. It's visible conduct directed at real people in the room. "Some Sign" means respect has to show. "Those that are Present" means it has to reach the people actually in front of you, not an abstraction.
The Rule in 21st-Century English
Whatever you do around other people, do it in a way that shows them they matter.
On Veterans Day: don't just honor "veterans" as a category on a banner. Honor the particular veteran you know, by name, in person, in a way he or she can see.
How Washington Lived It
Washington spent eight years leading soldiers whom Congress often left unpaid, underfed and unrecognized. His most memorable acts of respect were aimed at the living men in front of him.
A badge for the common soldier (August 7, 1782). At Newburgh, Washington ordered that any soldier performing "any singularly meritorious action" could wear "the figure of a heart in purple cloth, or silk" over his left breast. In the same order he created service stripes for veterans of three and six years, and directed that "those gallant men who are thus designated will on all occasions be treated with particular confidence and consideration." He closed: "The road to glory in a patriot army and a free country is thus open to all" (Founders Online, General Orders, 7 August 1782). It was the Army's first decoration open to enlisted troops (U.S. Army). Records show Washington personally awarded it to three non-commissioned officers (VA History). In 1932, on the bicentennial of Washington's birth, Army Chief of Staff Gen. Douglas MacArthur led its revival as the Purple Heart (NPR).
The spectacles at Newburgh (March 15, 1783). When unpaid officers flirted with mutiny, Washington didn't send a reprimand. He came to them in person. Reading a letter aloud, he stopped, put on a new pair of spectacles and said, "Gentlemen, you will permit me to put on my spectacles, for I have grown not only gray, but almost blind in the service of my country" (Mount Vernon). By standing among them as a fellow servant rather than above them as a commander, he showed them respect, and the crisis passed (Mount Vernon, Newburgh Address).
Farewell Orders to the Armies (November 2, 1783). As the army disbanded, Washington told his soldiers, who were about to become America's first veterans, to "prove themselves not less virtuous and usefull as Citizens, than they have been persevering and victorious as Soldiers" (Founders Online). He respected them enough to expect great things of them in civilian life.
Fraunces Tavern (December 4, 1783). In the Long Room in lower Manhattan, Washington raised a glass to his officers: "With a heart full of love and gratitude I now take leave of you." Then: "I cannot come to each of you but shall feel obliged if each of you will come and take me by the hand." Gen. Henry Knox, standing closest, came first, and the two "embraced each other in silence." Then "every officer in the room marched up and parted with his general in chief," as Col. Benjamin Tallmadge recalled (Fraunces Tavern Museum; Library of Congress). That was Rule No. 1 in its fullest form: no speech to the ranks, just one hand at a time for every man present.
Rule No. 1 in the 21st Century
Make it personal. "Thank you for your service" is a good start. "Where did you serve? What did you do?" shows more respect, because it treats the veteran as a person with a story rather than a symbol. Then listen.
Know which day it is. Veterans Day honors the living, so it's fine to celebrate. Save the solemn tone of Memorial Day for the fallen (VA News).
For managers: recognize the veterans on your own team. Washington's badge was specific and documented. The modern version is a leader who knows who on staff has served and gives them credit, in front of their colleagues, for the discipline and judgment they bring.
Translate, don't dismiss. When a résumé says "platoon sergeant" or "logistics officer," respect means taking the time to understand what that person actually led and managed, not filtering it out because the job title isn't corporate.
Show up. Attend a local ceremony at 11 a.m., the hour the World War I armistice took effect (VA, History of Veterans Day). Or visit a veteran who can't get out. Being there is the "Sign."
Respect them every day. Washington's order asked that veterans be treated with "particular confidence and consideration" on "all occasions," not one day a year.
The Takeaway
Washington could have said goodbye to his officers with a proclamation. Instead he asked each of them to come take his hand. This Veterans Day, find the veterans present in your life and do the same.
